Fingers
by wigglybits
Summary: Dear Survivor,  My name is Eden. I'm 18 years old. Or close to it, depending on what the date is. I never got to graduate.  OCxGlenn
1. Chapter 1

_Hello, and thank you for coming over to give this story of mine a chance. In terms of setting, it's placed at a point before Rick meets the group in the city. I've completed the story already, and I'm hoping to have it all published ASAP. I hope you like it. :)_

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><p>Dear Survivor,<p>

Since you are reading this, you have most likely found this journal on my corpse, or in an abandoned camp ground, or among other books found and restored from this time. Who knows, I could be the next Anne Frank. That's probably an inappropriate comparison, though. If you even know who she is.

I digress. This is not pre-apocalyptic literature. I am not still in school, living the American lifestyle, going to parties, studying for tests, or running laps for PE. Those places don't exist anymore. I'm not sure they ever will again.

Let's start with an introduction. My name is Eden. I'm 18 years old. Or close to it, depending on what the date is. I never got to graduate.

I'm a survivor, too, for now. I might not be as you're reading this. I've been through a lot, and I have no doubts I will go through more.

I was doing quite well for myself, for a while there. I attached myself to a group of kids from my school. We were smart. Or so we thought. We'd played the games, we'd seen the movies. This shit was second nature to us.

For a brief period of time, anyways.

But things changed. Left and right, we were losing people. We went from being a group of 32 to a measly 9. I can't even remember how we lost 23 people in such short time. Or maybe it wasn't short. Maybe it was months. We lost track. Our ipods and cell phones ran out of batteries five days in, and after that, we were all too occupied by surviving – or fucking each other, depending on how you cope – to bother to keep track of the days.

We weren't as smart as we thought we were. Our best weapons were baseball bats we stole from our gym's equipment area. We should have stayed at the school. We should have holed up in the cafeteria or the gym or the change rooms or something. But we didn't. We were stupid. We had it in our heads that if we kept traveling we'd reach someone offering help. Didn't quite work out.

I'm not sure what happened to the others. I don't even know what I was thinking, walking through the city by myself. But they were everywhere. The walkers, I mean. Their mutilated fingers clawing at the chain-link fence I had hid behind. I remember playing games and always thinking I could handle the scary-factor any day.

Things aren't so easy to handle when there's no pause button.

But that's in the past now, because I'm safe here. For now.

And so I'm writing this. I'm not sure why. Maybe I like the idea of someone finding this journal and knowing who I am (or _was_, depending on the circumstances), what I did, whether I died slow enough to write it down or so abruptly I never got to have an ending. Or maybe I'll be lucky, and when I'm eighty and the world has rebuilt itself I'll be able to sell this off and make money. Whatever my future may be, this is the beginning. We'll see how long this lasts.


	2. Chapter 2

The first time I left my tent, I realized how strange it was to be breathing fresh air again. I had grown accustomed to the stale scent of the fabric surrounding me. It was nice to not breathe recycled air.

It was dinnertime. When I made my way to the circle around the fire, I could feel the eyes on me. It made me nervous, like doing speeches back in school. I was wringing my hands and standing awkwardly behind everyone. I didn't know what to say, or if I could even say anything if I wanted to. I felt a chill run down my spine. Had it always been this cold at night? Somehow the heat had never penetrated the seclusion of my tent.

"Oh, you're awake," one of the older men around the fire declared, scratching his beard. His hat covered his eyes, but I could see he was a nice enough man. He was sitting around the circle, only a few feet away from me. He reminded me of my grandfather. I wondered if that was how everyone felt, or if I was just trying to find some sort of familiarity amongst total strangers. He seemed pleased and he offered me his seat. Not wanting to put him out, I sat down in an empty area of the circle instead. The grass was cold and almost damp. I sort of liked the feeling, but it didn't help the chill creeping along my skin.

Someone handed me food a few seconds later, and I nodded and smiled and thanked them in silence. The atmosphere was less imposing than I thought it would be. I had warmed up from the fire and people were chatting and telling stories. I felt a sense of community I hadn't felt in a long time. I liked being there with everyone, even if we knew nothing about each other.

I'd started to scan the circle and the smaller circles around it. Everyone was grouped together in some way or another. Lots of interesting faces, both young and old. I think there were a few children there, too. It scared me to think people so young were handling this better than I was.

Then again, they probably hadn't had to be saved from a group of walkers before.

The food was good. Or as good as it gets these days, anyway. I kept accidently looking at a guy from across the circle, though. I wasn't sure if he noticed. I wasn't sure why I kept looking back even when I thought he _had _noticed. There was something captivating about his face in the light of the fire.

Or maybe it was the exhaustion setting in. Either way, the next day was going to be spent ogling at the poor man who happened to catch my eye.

I walked out of my tent the next day around what I guessed was 7 or 8 in the morning. People didn't expect much of me, which was good. I was still pretty shaken up. They were content with me sitting around on the grass by myself. They had probably all heard about how they found me by now. At least they were understanding, if not gossipy.

No one tried to talk to me for the first little while I was out there. I was a bit disappointed. I wasn't really prepared to go and start conversations with people, but it would have been nice. Instead, I just remained in my place until someone finally approached me.

"Hey, you're out of your tent again," he said, taking a seat next to me on the grass. It was the same person I kept accidentally gawking at the night before. I tried not to feel nervous about him being so close to me. "How are you feeling?"

It was official. This guy was the most attractive thing I'd seen since this shitstorm started. His voice, his face... Everything about him suddenly made me flustered. For some reason, it became my goal to memorize his every feature.

He wore a hat. It was red, if I remember correctly. Pale, though. Like it had been worn out. He was some kind of Asian. Not sure which. Doesn't matter; he was gorgeous. He had the faintest hint of stubble on his chin and dark clumps of hair were matted and sticking out from under his hat. His eyes were dark but seemed wonderfully hopeful.

I tried not to stare at him too much, though the damage had probably already been done. I swallowed hard and tried to form up a voice.

"I'm fine, thank you..." I whispered, barely audible at first, my voice cracking here and there. I winced at the sound. It was a struggle to talk. It had always been a struggle to talk. Somehow it was more embarrassing than usual, just sitting there beside him trying to whisper through a conversation. I picked at the dewy grass around me.

He laughed a little and smiled at me. Dazzling. I had to remind myself not to stare.

"You don't have to be so quiet," He said, his smile persistent. "Everyone's awake now."

I tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear, clearing my throat in preparation.

"Right," I said, trying to get louder than a whisper. Despite my efforts, my voice was breathy and limited.

He cocked his head to the side and kept looking at my face. Somehow I wished I had makeup. And that I knew how to use it well.

Silence fell over us. I watched the trees from the forest sway in hopes it would prevent me from staring at the guy beside me. It didn't. A chill ran down my spine but my face remained hot with him so close.

"I'm Eden," I mumbled, pushing a clump of my hair behind my ear. I tried not to think about how much I wanted to have a shower.

"Glenn," he replied, nodding and tipping his hat. The action hit me like a brick. I suppressed a grin. "Adorable" was the only word I could think of. My mind was wiped clean of any other thought. Adorable. How could I witness someone so freaking adorable do something _that_ adorable and not suffer from some sort of adorable overload?

Desperate to continue to hear his voice, I asked him, "What do you do around here, Glenn?"

He perked up at the question, seemingly pleased to have something to talk about.

"I help out around the camp, but I usually go into the city to scavenge for any supplies I can get my hands on." He looked into my eyes and smiled. I felt breathless. "That's how I found you."

I stumbled mentally. "You're the one who found me?"

He nodded, almost disappointed, but still proud. "You don't remember?"

"Not really. I think I've suppressed it," I replied, despite my voice growing weaker. I needed to stop talking. But I didn't want to. "Thank you, though. I don't know if I said it before, but thank you."

"You did," he remarked, smiling again. That smile made my heart race. "But you're welcome. Again."

We fell back into silence. I took to observing the clouds while my mind was racing. I'd never been in any sort of relationship before. I didn't even know how to flirt. Despite this, I couldn't help but feel like I needed to make some sort of move on Glenn. I needed to say something to plant a hint that I liked him. It was the fucking apocalypse. "Now or never" was less of a philosophy and more of a reality. If I never made a move, I could die the next day. Alone.

"Did you know anyone here before... this stuff happened?" I asked cautiously. It seemed to be the appropriate equivalent to _'So is your girlfriend here, too?'_ Minus the specificity.

"No," he said simply. "I wasn't really all that close with my parents before. We lived in different areas, so I haven't seen or heard from them. I don't know what happened to any of my friends, either."

I looked back down at the grass. Alright, so no one he knew before all this shit was here with him. That didn't rule out having a post-apocalyptic girlfriend, though. I needed to think of something else to ask. Something smooth.

"What happened to the people you knew?"

My eyes darted back to him. I wasn't expecting a question in return. Staring at the grass, tried to find an easy way to explain. I tried to ignore the soreness in my throat, too.

"It hit us during school," I answered, picking at the grass idly. "A bunch of us stuck together to try to survive. Some kids gave up. Some got lost. Some found their parents and left. A lot died. We had such a big group, but things just... things just kept happening. I never found my family. Its nice being here, though. Surrounded by nice people who work together. I feel safe here."

I took a moment to look at his face.

"Thanks to you."

A smile was what I got in return. My heart raced at the sight. I was prepared to ask him about a girlfriend, but a looming shadow interrupted me.

"Hello, Glenn." We turned to look up at a woman standing with a pile of clothes in her arms and a child a few feet behind her. Her hair was loosely hanging off of her shoulders and she seemed relatively put together, considering the circumstances. "And hello to you too. I don't think we've met yet. Lori Grimes."

She nodded her head back at the boy kicking the dirt behind her.

"My son, Carl."

I looked over at her son who made eye contact then quickly looked away.

"Eden," I offered, voice hoarse from the long conversation prior to this. I stood up from the ground. Glenn followed suit. "Nice to meet you."

"We're heading down to the water to do some laundry." Her eyes darted down to my nearly black shins and hands then back up to my face. I'd forgotten how dirty I was. "You could come and wash up. Help out too, if you like."

There was a moment of hesitation before I replied, "Oh, sure."

She smiled in my direction, however faintly, then looked to Glenn. "And you?"

"Yeah," he said, not taking his eyes off of me. "Sure, I'll help out."

Pleased by the attention – especially when given from someone so attractive – I couldn't suppress a giddy grin while following Lori and her son down to the water. The terrain wasn't so bad. The water was relatively convenient in terms of distance, too. I could tell they would have to travel in groups to keep safe, though. A stray thought had me wondering if Glenn came to protect me. Immediately, I rolled my eyes. Right. We just met, and for all I knew, he could have already had someone in his life. Hell, even if he didn't, it was pretty possible that even considering how limited his options were, he'd choose someone else over me.

I was pulled out of my pessimism when the kid who was accompanying us started talking.

"How old are you?" he asked, slowing down to walk in step with me. His mother glanced in his direction as a sort of warning to stay respectful. Didn't matter to the boy, though; he kept looking up at me.

"I can't remember dates," I admitted. "I'm either seventeen or eighteen."

"Wow," He remarked, his attention turned back to the path ahead of us.

"I know," I laughed. "I'm practically ancient, compared to you."

We'd made it to the water a few minutes later. The place was actually quite beautiful. It was a lake of some sort. Or it might have been a river. I was never all that good in terms of bodies of water. There were some other women and children there already. One of them had passed me food the night before, the others I had only seen around camp. It didn't take long for everyone to get organized and start washing things up.

It surprised me how they worked. They all moved and chatted like a well oiled machine. I hadn't even thought about washing clothes prior to Lori's invitation. I guess these women thought in the long term, like adults should. What was I doing? Lusting over some guy I just met?

Putting my thoughts aside, I slipped off my shoes so I could step into the water.

"The water's pretty cold. So brace yourself."

Goddamn it though, he _was_ gorgeous. And nice. Nice and gorgeous. How can someone so perfect exist?

I should have listened to his warning, though, because the second I stepped into the water I shivered and a squeak erupted from my throat. I would have screamed if I were capable, I'd say.

Some of the women laughed, as well as Glenn. My chest tightened at the sound.

"I told you so," he teased, helping pass Lori some clothes. Carl had taken to playing with some other kids so I was left to my own devices. The water certainly helped clean off a lot of the dirt that had accumulated on my skin. It was cold, though. Freezing even. I was careful not to get my clothes wet. Spending the rest of the day shivering didn't seem like a pleasant idea.

"Eden," Lori started, taking a brief moment away from the clothes. "Why don't you borrow someone else's clothes for a while? Yours look like they're in need of a good wash."

I looked down at my body. It certainly wasn't a lie. There was grit all over me and dirt ran up and down the fabric. I felt kind of gross after I really noticed what was on me.

"Okay."

I started unbuttoning my shirt before I remembered who was in my present company. One of the other women with us had already taken initiative and made sure Glenn wasn't looking in my direction. He held his hands up in the air in an attempt to convey his innocence. Even from behind, the guy was adorable.

I stepped out of the water and a woman passed me someone's dress. About as quickly as I could, I changed into it. I was never really a fan of being in my underwear in front of people. Even if they _were_ making the effort to avert their eyes.

I passed my clothes over to Lori to let her wash them. I felt strangely clean. I hadn't felt this way for a while. Unfortunately, I felt pretty self conscious too. I was never a fan of dresses. Regardless, it was all I had. And it wasn't really my place to ask for something else.

It was just nice to be taken care of again. I'd been stuck handling everything myself for quite some time. The family dynamic of this campsite was welcoming and I felt comfortable already. As long as I started pulling my weight, I'd say my time here could be permanent.

"Can I turn around now?"

"Yeah."

I flattened out the dress against my body. It was wrinkly, but I doubted anyone was paying that much attention to it.

"Nice," Glenn stated, glancing at me.

Oh, how that simple word would linger on my mind. I wringed my hands and tried to find my voice.

"Thanks," I managed.

In hopes of not fawning over Glenn's every word, I decided to help the women with laundry. I tuned in to their idle chit chat. It was nice to give my voice a break. I didn't feel very helpful; I was only passing clothes over to Lori for her to clean, but she seemed content with my work. She dismissed me after a while, saying I should "go keep an eye on the kids" and leave the rest to her.

I complied.

"Mind if I go, too?" Glenn asked eagerly. Lori shrugged in reply, a faint smile on her face as though she was amused.

Glenn caught up to me. Seeing my inquisitive expression he said, "Safety in numbers."

Somehow I think even he doubted his excuse. Not that I minded. Carl and the others were playing around us. Glenn and I took a seat on some rocks and watched them chase each other. It was nice to see some people genuinely enjoy themselves. Even if they were children.

"You came from a group of high school kids, right?"

Oh, more talking.

"Yeah, we were-" I stopped myself. My throat ached from the effort already. I decided to drop my voice. "Sorry, gotta whisper. Vocal cord damage from before- " what was the proper word for this? Apocalypse? I settled for something easy. "before this stuff."

Glenn nodded, seemingly interested. "Really? Wow, that's gotta be hard. I didn't know, sorry. I didn't mean to make you work so hard."

"It's okay."

"So that's why you weren't screaming back in the city, huh?"

"Yeah."

Whispering was hard on me. It took a lot of breath for only a small amount of words and the utter beauty of the man before me didn't help.

"Anyways, high school kids huh? Man, must've been pretty crazy."

I laughed – or rather, wheezed,- then whispered, "Surprising how many of them didn't want to die virgins," I paused to take in air. "Only to get ambushed while having sex."

Glenn shook his head, grinning. "Teenagers." His eyes looked me over quickly before he continued on. "Seems you timed yours right."

"No, I-" I fixed my eyes on the ground. "When people pair up, the quiet ones get picked last."

One of the kids playing fell down. Our conversation paused as we watched her get back up and brush herself off. I continued.

"I was more interested in living, anyway."

"Makes sense."

The kids were laughing at each other, now.

"Do you miss any of them?" Glenn asked, apparently looking for a something in particular in this conversation.

"I don't think so. You learn how people really are," I paused to take a breath. "When they stop caring about their status or gossip. A lot of people are assholes."

He smiled to himself, apparently satisfied by that answer.

"Do you—"

"Glenn, Eden, we're heading back now. You coming?"

Lori mercilessly butchered Glenn's question. It remained unfinished as he stood up from the rock. He looked at me for input.

"Do you wanna...?" He trailed off, hoping for a response.

"Sure," I said. "Let's head back."

I fell in step beside him and we walked back to the campground with Lori and the others. We were silent but the atmosphere was filled with the women continuing to chat. I wanted to talk to Glenn more, to ask him what he was going to say before, but my throat hurt and I needed a break. I'd just have to find out another time.


	3. Chapter 3

I'd gone back to my tent for a while after doing laundry. My throat ached and I was exhausted from all the talking. Glenn was off helping one of the men with something or another, so I didn't feel so bad about going off to be alone. Although it occurred to me that I had no reason to feel bad about leaving Glenn anyway, since it was unlikely that my being away would affect him all that much. If anything, I suffered more from being away from that gorgeous face.

But I digress.

I was asleep when Glenn came around a while later. It must have been hours, because there was little light coming from outside the tent.

"Knock knock," He said from outside, his voice both nervous and joking. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. "Eden?"

I found the zipper at the front of the tent and opened it up. Cold rushed in and sent a shiver down my spine.

"Hey," he said, hunching down to look at me through the opening.

I tried saying hey back, but it came out as a squeak. I made another attempt after clearing my throat, but it wasn't much of an improvement. Should've seen it coming.

"It's okay, you don't have to talk. It's dinner, so I thought I'd bring you some food."

I looked at his hands. Two forks in one, a can of something or another in the other. Noticing my gaze, he looked away and smiled awkwardly.

"I thought we could eat together. If that's okay."

Nodding, I crawled backwards so he could get in. He ducked in then moved to close up the tent but seemed to have second thoughts and left it open. It crossed my mind that he might not want the others to think we were doing anything other than talking, but it was unlikely he thought the way I thought.

"Here. It's fish. That's okay, right?"

Again, I nodded. This time I earned a smile. He settled in and opened up the tin.

"Ladies first."

Laughing, I dug into the meat. Fish was something I hadn't had in a while. It was a good. Sometimes I missed having home cooked meals, especially when eating out of cans. There was just something comforting about a meal made by your family members. Something nurturing about it.

"It's nice having you around."

My gaze moved from the fish to his face.

"Someone close to my age, you know?"

I nodded, though his words were making me giddy. Even if he didn't mean it romantically, he meant... He meant _something_ by it, even if I didn't know exactly what it was.

I took some more fish.

"It gets lonely sometimes. Especially since everybody's been pairing up lately."

His words hit home. When I was with the school kids I had to watch them all join up and walk off to have sex every day. Sure, some of them died from it, but it still made me feel very, very alone.

He laughed to himself, then added, "You probably know the feeling."

I smiled and patted his knee with my free hand. I wished I could have offered a more intellectual answer but my lack of a voice was more limiting than usual. We took a pause from conversation – or rather, he took a pause- and finished off what was left in the tin can.

"You know what I miss most?"

I looked back up. He was staring outside of the tent, captivated by something or another. He knew I couldn't ask him what he missed, so he only paused for a brief moment.

"The people. Back then, if you lived in the city like I did, you could be lonely, but you were never actually alone. If you walked outside onto the street, you'd see people. You walk in a store, you see people. You dial a wrong number, chances are some person is going to answer. I miss that."

There was a silent moment before he laughed, though there was no humor in his voice. "Sorry, this is pretty heavy stuff I'm putting on you."

"It's okay," I managed to whisper.

"I miss the internet, too," He added.

"I second that," I whispered.

He closed his eyes as he smiled this time, then he placed his hand on mine. "It's getting late, you should probably sleep."

I didn't nod but he left anyway, lingering a moment outside of my tent. I thought he was going to turn around and come back inside, but he walked away instead.

I'd just have to wait until the morning to see him again.


	4. Chapter 4

"Do you want to walk down to the water with me?"

I looked up at Glenn from the opening of my tent. I'd barely even left it and he was already pouncing on the opportunity to talk to me. This development made me feel warm, but I tried not to show it in case he really just wanted to walk down to the water and would have taken anyone with him.

"Sure."

He smiled at me. "Got your voice back, huh?"

"Yeah," I replied. "Taking it slow, though. Don't want to do too much damage all at once."

He nodded, then led the way. I stared intently at the back of his head. We were heading to a secluded area. That dawned on me as we reached the halfway mark. If I wanted to set things straight, figure out where he thought this was going, this would be the time.

I felt my throat locking up already.

"You usually go in the city alone, right?" I asked him, trying to get a conversation going. "Isn't that pretty risky?"

He smiled at my inquiry. "I guess it could be, but I know what I'm doing. Most of the time. And hey, I managed to save you, right?"

I tried to suppress my smile as we drew closer to the water.

"Thanks again for that."

"Don't mention it. It was probably one of the best things I've ever done, anyway."

I stared at him after he said that. What did that mean? Was he happy he saved someone or happy he saved me in particular? This was exactly why I needed to sort this out. I couldn't stand not knowing if he meant things in a romantic sense or not.

"Okay, Glenn, look..." I shut my eyes while speaking. I didn't want to look at him while I embarrassed myself, but I knew I had to. Reluctantly, I opened my eyes. I wished I hadn't said anything all, though, because my heart was racing and I could barely figure out what to say next. "You're... You're a really nice guy..."

What was I doing. Really nice guy? Really? That was the best I could come up with? Really nice guy. Thinking about it even hurt _my_ feelings. I couldn't even begin to imagine how he felt hearing that.

His body spoke for him, though, and he stepped backward. His entire stance changed. And the expression on his face filled me with regret.

"I'm sorry, I didn't- That came out wrong, I-"

"Don't." He started, emotion I couldn't quite grasp filling his voice. He stopped himself, then tried again. "I... I get it. It's fine. Forget it. Let's just go back."

He turned and started walking. Perplexed, I jumped forward to stop him. My hand rested on his shoulder but he jerked away.

"I don't think we're on the same page," I managed. "I don't think you understand what I was-"

Glenn sighed, then turned to face me. His voice was calm, but his eyes were pained. "Look, I've heard this before. I know how it goes. Just forget about it."

I was getting anxious. "I'm not saying what you think I'm saying!"

He stared at me like I was putting him under extreme duress. He looked exhausted and I didn't blame him.

"What else could you possibly mean when you start out with 'you're a nice guy, but...'"

"I never said 'but.'"

"It was coming."

I frowned. "Glenn I can't-" I touched my throat. "I can't talk like this much longer."

"You don't have to," He said, looking away. "Let's just go."

"I don't want to go."

"Fine, I'll go."

"I don't want you to go either." I was doing this wrong, that much was clear to me, but I had no idea how to do it right. Back with the other kids, they'd just casually make a pass at the other person then walk off to have sex. Somehow I doubted that would fly in that particular situation. "I know I'm not making sense, but... just listen, okay?"

His eyes lingered on me for a brief moment before he sighed. "Okay."

"Okay," I repeated, nodding. "Okay."

I took a deep breath. Better do it quick, like ripping off a bandaid.

"I think... that you're..." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I think that you're gorgeous."

Pause.

"What?"

I grimaced. I didn't want to have to repeat myself, especially when I felt beyond embarrassed.

"Gorgeous?" I repeated, almost unsure now. "I think that you're... you know... Gorgeous."

He didn't say anything and I began regretting bringing it up at all. There was a reason people normally didn't do this and I was starting to understand why. I used to always get angry at the TV when the character was in love but never bothered to tell the other person. But I knew why, now. It was absolutely terrifying.

"Okay," I said quickly, starting to walk past him. "Let's just go back and forget I said anything."

I tried walking quickly but he caught up with me in a heartbeat. He seemed genuinely confused and I couldn't fault him for it.

"If you think that, why did you say you weren't interested?" He was right beside me now, walking in step with ease.

"I didn't."

"Then what was that?"

I squeezed my eyes shut. Whispering, I admitted defeat. "I was trying to ask if _you_ were interested."

"Me?" He repeated, as though it were absurd. "Why would you have to ask? I thought I was being obvious."

He shook his head, then added, "Too obvious, actually. I thought the whole "nice guy" thing was your way of telling me to back off."

"There's a reason I don't talk much."

He breathed a sigh of relief and approached the water, staring out across it.

"Eden?"

I walked over to join him in front of the edge of the water. He turned to look at me.

"That was one of the worst conversations I've ever had."

I winced. "Sorry."

"You owe me about a hundred good ones, now," he said, grinning now. I realized he was joking and relaxed.

"I'll do my best," I said. I felt his hand snake around my arm, his fingers fitting between mine.

"Good," He said. "I'm looking forward to it."


	5. Chapter 5

"Uh oh."

I looked up from the game of tic tac toe Glenn and I were playing to see him fixated on something behind me. I couldn't help but smile at his expression. Hard to believe only an hour earlier I almost unintentionally ended whatever it was we had.

"What's up?" I inquired, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Shane."

I'd heard the name before but I had no idea what it represented or who it belonged to. Glenn stood up and took initiative.

"What's going on? Did something happen?"

I was standing now too, a footstep behind him. I glanced between him and the approaching man, unsure of what was happening.

Shane held his hands up and lowered his head slightly. "Nothin's goin' on now, you can relax. Just came to give her a proper welcome."

Glenn relaxed and stood back, opening up the almost-barrier he had created between Shane and I.

"Eden, right?" I nodded, not taking my eyes off of him. He seemed like the town sheriff, the way he put his foot up on a stump and leaned forward on his knee. I learned later on that he used to be just that. "Well, I'm real sorry about what you had to go through but you seem to be functionin' well enough now. You're welcome to stay here, but you're gonna have to pull your own, understand? Lori's got plenty of chores she could use help with, so talk to her."

I hesitated, glancing at Glenn for approval before nodding. Shane, noticing this, looked between us for a moment; his mouth open like his tongue was running over his back teeth. He smirked and let out a quiet, one syllable laugh, shaking his head.

"I'll uh, leave you to it, then," he concluded, amused. As he walked away, Glenn closed the distance between us.

"Hear that? You're allowed to stay." Glenn rolled his eyes. "What else was going to happen? I doubt Andrea or Lori'd let him throw someone like you out to fend for yourself. Dale wouldn't either. Or me."

"Thank you."

He smiled and put his hand on my back, guiding me towards the crates we had been sitting on.

"You've thanked me enough," he said, taking his seat opposite me. "More than enough."

"I know," I admitted. "I just feel like I owe you something."

"You do," he said, turning the paper we were using. "About ninety eight-more conversations. And another game. Hangman?"

"Sure, it's been a while since I've played that."

Glenn started drawing out the lines and I fiddled with the dress that was lent to me from earlier. I was getting more used to it the longer I wore it. I wondered how I looked in it, but it didn't matter either way. It wasn't like I had much else to wear.

"Okay, you're up."

I started rattling off the vowels. It felt nice to let go of everything just relax with him. Well, it was nice to relax in general. Having Glenn with me was just an added bonus. I wasn't sure if he felt quite so pleased with my company, but I wasn't about to ask anytime soon.

"Agh, I don't know!"

"Come on!" He urged, a huge grin on his face. "You've only got a few letters left. You can do it." 

I sighed and stared at the paper, counting out the spaces, wondering why this meant so much. And then it hit me.

"Oh my god, you didn't."

"Didn't what?" He asked, a knowing grin on his face.

"Now you're just making fun of me," I accused, smiling anyway.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," He persisted. "What word do you think it is?"

I rolled my eyes and let out an exaggerated sigh.

"_Gorgeous."_

He laughed at me and I swatted his arm, laughing along with him. It was strange how natural it felt to be around him so suddenly. I guess the whole 'you might die tomorrow' attitude sort of helped progress things.

"God, I love that word," He admitted.

"I'm starting to regret using it," I joked. "I think it's gone to your head."

"You don't mean that."

"How do you know?"

"I just do. Call it male intuition."

I raised my eyebrows. "Isn't it supposed to be female intuition?"

He laughed. "I'm hardly female."

"Hey," I said, shrugging. "I don't know that for sure."

He shook his head and laughed still, taking off his hat and scratching his head.

"You wouldn't use a word like gorgeous on someone you didn't actually think was gorgeous."

"You don't know that," I said back. "I could just be trying to get into your pants. These could be lines."

"Are they, now? Pretty poorly executed lines, then."

I was prepared to retort but my throat had other plans. I silently swore at myself for talking so much, yet at the same time I was mad that it had to end. My fingers grazed my throat as if touching it would somehow cure it. It didn't obviously, but it was a pointless habit I'd always had. I stared at the game of hangman, frowning.

"Eden? I was only joking," Glenn said, leaning down to look up at my face. "It was just a joke."

Shaking my head, I laid my hand on his and smiled, though I was tired.

"It hurts," I managed, still touching my throat.

He took a moment before he remembered what I meant, and once he did, he hit his forehead with his hand.

"Of course it does," He said, scolding himself. "I've been making you talk so much today, sorry. Take it easy from now on, okay?"

I nodded, liking his concern a little too much. Not talking was easy enough, especially when I could listen to him for hours. Time seemed to fly by as we spent nearly the entire day sitting and talking (more talking on his part) and playing games that I wouldn't have bothered with if the world hadn't ended. And yet, despite this, it was probably the happiest I had been in a long, long time.


	6. Chapter 6

I didn't talk much during dinner that day. I wanted to save up my voice for Glenn. No one really noticed, however, since a lot of people were already sharing anecdotes about their life.

This one man – Morales, people called him – was talking about some of the amusing situations he got into while trying to take care of his two children with his wife. It was light hearted and I think it wasn't just me who found comfort in the stories. It was nice to hear people laugh and share things about their lives. Despite the things I'd encountered, I couldn't help but feel safe around these people.

"You haven't eaten much, here, take more." Dale, the friendly older man I had seen the first time I left my tent, was careful to keep his voice low so he didn't interrupt Lori. She was sharing something about her son trying to make a cake out of baking powder and pudding as Dale scooped a bit more of the canned soup he was cooking over the fire into my cup.

"You doin' okay here? Everyone treatin' you alright?" he asked, putting the ladle back into the pot. I nodded and blew into my cup. "I can see you and Glenn are getting along."

I swallowed hard, unsure of whether a lecture was coming my way or if he was just being observant.

"It's good that you've found someone to put trust in around here. Treating people well'll do you better in the long run. There are some people around here who've been with us far longer than you and they've already alienated themselves. I'm glad to see you're adjusting."

I nodded and idly sipped at the cooling soup.

"Thank you for the hospitality," I said, keeping my voice low and letting my cup rest in my lap. "It's nice to know I'm welcome."

Dale nodded, as if to say "Don't mention it," and allowed me to resume listening in on everyone else. One of the sisters, whose name I forgot, was talking now, telling a story about a fishing trip she went on with her father.

Despite what was going on around me, I couldn't help but stare at Glenn the entire time. He was seated on the other side of the fire, smiling and laughing at the stories being told, and I found him captivating. He caught my gaze and I immediately averted my eyes and pretended to admire the stars. I could see him laugh to himself in my peripheral vision.

Dinner drew to a close a few minutes later and the people trickled away into their tents – or, in Dale's case, his RV – leaving me alone with Glenn in front of a dying fire. I did my best to stare at my hands instead of him, but it was tempting to look up.

He got up to come sit beside me on one of Dale's fold-out chairs. It creaked as he sank into it.

"Couldn't help but notice you staring," He joked. I looked away, trying not to let him win by smiling.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I was looking at the stars."

"Of course you were," he laughed. "Of course."

He then went quiet, looking straight at me for a moment. He seemed to be debating on doing something as I returned his gaze. His eyes dropped from my face and lingered on the grass. He kept his eyes away from me for a short while, then I watched him swallow and meet my gaze again.

My fingers twitched in anticipation of putting my hand on his, but I quickly changed my mind and pushed my hair behind my ear instead. I wanted to touch him. I really just wanted to touch his hand or his face or any part of him possible, but I didn't know what lines I was allowed to cross. If he pulled away or got uncomfortable I would never forgive myself.

"Are you cold?"

I looked down at my arms and felt the chill of the night on my bare skin. The dress they had given me wasn't meant for cold weather, and that fact was becoming very clear to me.

"Yes," I admitted.

In a sudden motion he got close enough to me to kiss my cheek and I felt my entire face go red. I stared at him, my mouth opening and closing like a fish, no sound coming out.

"Bet you're not anymore," He said, standing from the chair, ginning. "Goodnight, Eden."

I watched him walk away from the fire in silence, pressing my hand lightly against my cheek. What the hell was that? What the hell was my reaction? I get kissed on the cheek by someone that gorgeous and all I can do is sit and watch him walk away?

Maybe I was supposed to go after him. Follow him to his tent and make some sort of seductive eyebrow raise and put my hand on his chest. That seemed to be all the kids I hung around before did.

I sighed. Even if I did get the courage to try some sort of move on Glenn, and even if seeing him naked would have made my life, I'd probably be the most awkward sexual partner in the existence of sexual partners. I'd be all eyes, just staring at him, probably drooling too.

And so with the thought of naked Glenn drifting through my head I stood from the fire and headed back to my tent. That kid was going to drive me into an early grave at the rate he was messing with me. And I was completely okay with it.


	7. Chapter 7

I woke up pretty late the day after. When I left my tent everyone was already up. I had to look for Glenn, and when I found him, I didn't like I what I saw.

"Glenn?" I said, approaching him and the car he was kneeling beside. There was a nearly empty backpack beside him and he was just closing up the zipper as I spoke. "Going somewhere?"

"Eden!" He said, smiling at my name and standing to greet me. "You're finally up!"

He looked so happy when I showed up, but his face fell when he saw my confusion.

"Where are you going?"

He hesitated.

"I have to go into the city," He replied slowly, looking down at the car and not at my face. He seemed utterly guilty now, his eyes losing their excited sparkle. "We need some stuff..."

I looked down at the ground, trying to hold back how badly I didn't want him to leave. He was quiet with me for a moment.

"I didn't know I had to go," He said quickly. "It wasn't that I didn't want tell you. I would have told you last night if I knew I had to head in. I only found out this morning. I didn't want to wake you up, so..."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to smile at him.

"I know," I assured him. "I'm not upset."

"You look pretty upset," he stated, stepping a little closer to me.

I gave in to a smile.

"Stop doing that," I said.

"Stop doing what?"

"Stop being so cool all the time. I can't keep up."

He smiled and rested his hand against the back of my hair, guiding me forward so he could press his lips against my forehead. I wasn't sure what triggered all of this lip contact but I was certainly not complaining.

"I'll be back in an hour or two," He assured me.

"Okay."

I didn't believe him, but I let him go anyway. My fingers pressed against the hood of the car as he got in and started it up. It rumbled against my skin.

"Come back in one piece," I said through the rolled-down window.

"I will."

He pulled out and I let my hand drop from the car. I didn't look away until the car was completely out of sight. I felt entirely empty with him gone, and it had only been a few seconds. I should have offered to go with him, though I knew I would only slow him down and put him in danger. I started thinking about all the things that could happen to him out there alone, but a hand on my shoulder interrupted me.

I turned to face Lori, who was giving me a somber yet knowing smile.

"He'll be back soon, sweetheart, he's gone in tons of times."

I didn't reply.

"We're going down to do more laundry today," She continued, trying to appeal to me. "Care to help out?"

I kept my eyes lowered but I nodded. There was no point in sulking around and being useless. I might as well do some work to take my mind off of worrying.

Lori led me over to the other women, all of whom had things to carry with the exception of one of the sisters. They were chatting already and I immediately felt like I didn't belong. Something about being away from Glenn made me anxious and naked and I found myself worrying again as we made our way down to the water.

"What was your name, again?" The younger, stuff-less sister asked, slowing her pace to walk in step with me.

"Eden," I replied. I could tell she had to strain herself to hear me.

"I'm Amy," she said. She started asking me some simple questions like where I went to school, what I like to do for fun, what type of music I used to like. It wasn't a conversation with Glenn, but it was still relatively pleasant and it certainly took my mind off of him. I found I could relate to her somewhat, seeing as we were the closest in age in terms of the women of the camp.

When we reached the water and started scrubbing the clothes against the washboards, I started to get questions from the other women.

"So you and Glenn, huh?" The older of the sisters- who I learned was Andrea- half announced, half asked.

I recoiled and sunk into the washboard a little. I made an affirmative noise.

"Oh don't be so shy," Amy teased, dropping a clean shirt into the basket behind her. "It's cute, the way he looks at you."

I felt my insides tighten at the words. I had always thought that I was the one who was always gazing, the one who made a dreamy face every time I looked at him.

"You shoulda seen him when he first turned up with you," another woman, who I learned was Jacqui, added, a laugh in her voice.

"Oh, I remember that," Lori chimed in. "I saved a pretty girl! I saved a pretty girl!"

"He wouldn't stop talking about it," Amy informed me. "Kept glancing at your tent to see if you were ready to come out yet."

"Then he saw you come out for dinner the first time," Andrea was shaking her head at the memory. "Man, he wouldn't stop staring. He was like an eager puppy waiting to play catch."

"Didn't I see Shane nudge him and tell him to keep his eyes to himself?" Amy asked.

The women laughed and I did too, feeling completely wonderful all over my body.

"Oh, we all did," Jacqui affirmed.

"I think it's sweet," Carol, who was a quiet woman, added.

The laughter died down and we returned to focusing on the task at hand. My mind wandered to the amazing person who apparently felt for me just as strongly as I felt for him. I didn't think it were possible for someone to feel that way about me, especially not based solely on appearance. I had myself convinced he was interested because there was no other option, and I certainly wasn't going to argue to that, but having this new information on Glenn had me starting to feel comfortable. Glenn genuinely liked me. This was not what I was expecting to hear today. This was new to me. Foreign, even.

Maybe I was worried about where I stood for no reason. Maybe we were on exactly the same page and he was just doing his best to deal with my timid nature, not wanting to push me too far to the point where_ I_ reject _him_. Maybe we were a lot more alike than I had thought.

With the laundry-doing drawing to a close Lori proposed I help her son with math, since I was freshest out of school and I'd probably be a big help.

"It'll keep you occupied until he comes back, too," she admitted, deciding there was no point in pretending it wasn't why I was kept busy. I agreed since I had nothing better to do aside from count the seconds until Glenn came back.

I walked beside Lori on our way back to camp. I felt strangely comforted by her. I guessed it was because she was, in fact, a mother, and since I happened to be lacking in one at the moment she seemed like a likely surrogate.

The fact that she seemed to genuinely care about my well being helped.

"How are you doing?" She asked, though I wasn't sure what exactly she was referring to.

"Could you be more specific?"

"I mean, how are you doing taking all of this in?"

Funny how you didn't have to say much beyond 'this' to know what someone was talking about.

"I'm okay. I'm much better here than I was with the kids I was hanging around before. I couldn't get separated from them or I'd die. I couldn't have any time alone or I could run into one of those things and have no way of warning anyone or getting help. I couldn't voice any opinions because everyone just yelled over me."

Lori was looking at me intently now. She seemed to be interested in what I had to say.

"I can't yell. I can't scream. I can barely talk half the time. It was frustrating." I let my gaze drop to the ground. "It was lonely, too."

Lori nodded like she understood, and maybe she did. I didn't know much about Lori but I didn't have to. Lori had this openness about her that even though she didn't tell you much, you felt like you knew her. I guess it was part of the motherly role she always seemed to play. I was curious about what she was hiding, but women like her keep things stashed away for a reason, and it wasn't my place to ask.

"If you ever wanna talk," She said, putting her hand on my shoulder, balancing the basket she was carrying on her other hip.

I nodded. "Thanks."

I noticed the faint, bare ring line on her finger as she put her hand back on the basket.

"Carl's a good learner," She said, changing the subject for my sake. "You just have to explain it slowly. He picks it up quick, you shouldn't have any trouble."

Carl was waiting around a small wooden table with Shane when we reached the camp. He and Shane were talking about something or another when we approached them. Shane appeared to be drawn into the conversation with the kid. I had a stray thought that Shane might have been Carl's father since no one else was around, but that theory was quickly debunked when Carl didn't refer to him as 'dad.'

"Hey Mom. Shane was just telling me about one of the bad guys he arrested while he was at work. Isn't that awesome?"

Lori raised her eyebrows at Shane. "Very. Now say goodbye, it's time for some work."

"But-"

"No buts."

Carl frowned but stopped protesting. Shane said his goodbye and walked off, making eye contact with Lori as he went.

Lori pulled a textbook out from behind one of the crates they used for stools and placed it on the table. I remembered the book; I had used the same one when I was in elementary school. Carl must have had it with him when the apocalypse started.

"What chapter was it again?" she asked, flipping through the pages.

"Four."

"Right," she mumbled, opening to the page and taking out a notebook and pencil for the boy. "Eden, do you remember much of this?"

I glanced at the textbook. It was basic stuff. Made sense, considering his age.

"Yeah, I do."

"Good. Carl, Eden is going to help you today. I have some things I have to do."

Carl, who was apparently not a shy kid, didn't seem to have a problem with it. "Okay, mom."

Lori smiled at me thankfully and walked off in the same direction Shane went. So that explained that.

Carl seemed to have no trouble with the work and remained relatively silent. I took to thumbing through a novel that was sitting on the table in front of me. It had "Dale" scrawled at the top of the first page so it was without a doubt borrowed from the RV owner. It was nothing spectacular but it held my attention until Carl started talking.

"Do you like Glenn?" he asked, looking straight at me. I blinked a few times, staring back at him, unsure of how to reply.

"Uhh..."

"He told me he likes you," he said.

"Did he really?"

"Well not _me_ exactly. He told T-Dog, but I was here when he said it."

I smiled far too wide. "Oh, I see."

"Don't make him cry, okay?" He said, looking back at his math questions.

"Cry?" I repeated. "Why would I make him cry?"

"I don't know. People on TV always cry when it comes to that stuff."

"Wouldn't it make more sense for him to make me cry?" I asked, trying to see his logic.

"He wouldn't do that."

I smiled at him.

"I won't make him cry."

"Promise?" 

"Pinky promise," I offered, and held out my pinky finger. We shook on it and he went back to doing his math questions and I went back to waiting for Glenn. It had been at least an hour or two since he left. I kept trying to convince myself that it was obvious that it was going to take time for him to get there and get back, but I couldn't stop the worrying.

Carl only got stuck on one or two questions throughout our time together, neither of which took long to help him with.

Lori relieved me of my duties a few minutes later and I was left with nothing to do again. I wandered over to Dale's RV after saying goodbye to her and Carl. Dale was sitting at the top of the RV, looking out at the area.

"Dale," I said, trying to be loud to get his attention. He glanced down and saw me.

"Just a second," He called out, and he got down off of the RV a few seconds later. "Do you need something?"

"I need something to do."

"Are you sure? You can just rest for a while, you seemed to be doing plenty earlier."

I looked down at my shoes then back up at the friendly aging man in front of me.

"Glenn, huh?"

I nodded, laughing awkwardly.

"That obvious?" I asked.

"Well, yeah," He replied, leaning against the RV. "Don't worry about it, he's just as bad."

"You aren't the first to say that today."

"Everyone's in on everyone else's business here, whether you like it or not." Dale shrugged and smiled through his beard. "Though you two are pretty awful at hiding it."

I lowered my eyes and let a smile creep on my lips. Funny how even with Glenn gone, he's the only thing that's brought up around me. And the only thing I can think about. I learned more about where I stood with Glenn during the few hours he was away than I did when he was here. I supposed that was mainly my fault, since I wasn't exactly the best communicator and I had a tendency for assuming the worst.

Dale opened his mouth to say something more but his eyes focused on something before words came. He smiled to himself and said, "Well, speak of the devil."


	8. Chapter 8

I followed Dale's gaze.

There he was, closing the car door carrying a very full looking backpack on his shoulder, looking as wonderful as ever. I glanced at Dale but he was already heading back up to the top of his RV.

I made my way towards Glenn as quickly as I could without running or looking strange. I wasn't sure what I thought I was going to do when he got back but it certainly wasn't what I ended up doing.

Instead of leaping into his arms or pulling him into a long, passionate kiss, I stopped a few feet in front of him and lost every drop of confidence that I had gained from the conversations I had had while he was gone.

"Hey," I said, breaking the silence, however quietly.

"Hey," He laughed. He certainly was a trooper if he could find charm in my inability to speak.

"You made it," I said.

"I did," He replied, grinning at me.

I stared at him, trying to think of something to say, and he stared at me, waiting for me to try again, completely amused. I tried to remember that this guy liked me just as much as I liked him but somehow the thought just wasn't sticking.

Maybe I should go back to complimenting him. That seemed to work the first time.

"Nice hat," I said.

He laughed again and kept staring at me with a huge grin on his face. He was laughing at me, but it wasn't malicious. He was laughing because he knew I was trying really hard and he found it funny that I was having so much trouble.

"I missed you, too," He said.

"That's what I meant. _Nice hat_ is French for 'I'm glad you're back.' I swear it."

Glenn rolled his eyes and closed the gap between us, wrapping his arms around me. Were I in any less control of my body, I'd have wet myself. I returned the hug after I came to my senses and I could feel my nerves relaxing. His hug lasted too long to be friendly and it was certainly his intention.

"Do you need help?" I asked once he'd stopped, indicating his bag.

"Yeah, sure."

I followed him into Dale's RV. He set the bag down on one of the counters. It sounded heavy. He opened it up and started putting things in cupboards. It was mainly canned food he must have found on the way. He started telling me how it went and that there weren't any problems aside from one or two stray walkers. I listened in silence, unpacking the bag a bit slower than he was.

And then I saw it.

Shoved in the corner of the bag, I pulled out a small box with "TROJAN" written in bold on the front. I held it in my hands for a moment, then I flipped to the back. I'd always wondered what they'd put on the back of a package of condoms. I wondered if they ever had to put a "may contain traces of peanut" on one of those. I laughed at the thought.

"Eden, what are –" He stopped talking abruptly. "Oh, god, that's-"

I looked up at him. He had his eyes fixated on my hands and he looked utterly horrified. He snatched the box away. I could hear the contents move around inside.

"That's not-! I didn't get that to use on you, I swear, I would never use those with- Wait, no I don't mean it like – I - I would never try to have sex with you!"

I wasn't sure if he was just caught off guard or if he actually meant what he had just said, but either way, it didn't feel good. His words hung over us and neither of us moved. I thought about asking but I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. Well, any more uncomfortable. So I tried to laugh it off.

"Yeah, I know," I said, trying to have a laugh in my voice. "For Lori and Shane, right? Yeah, I figured."

I swallowed and I touched my throat. It hurt, but not enough to make me stop talking. If anything, my pride hurt most. But it seemed like the best excuse.

"I'm- uh, - I'm pretty tired, Glenn. I'm gonna..." I trailed off but he knew what I meant. I left the RV quickly.

As I walked away I realized the ridiculousness of my reaction. What the hell was I doing? I waited all day for him to come back, and as soon as he was back, I took one comment way too seriously and screwed it all up. I stopped walking.

I was an idiot, but I guess it came with the territory.

Glenn had at least a year or two on me, which was at least at year or two away from high school and the constantly hormone-fueled student body. He didn't come fresh from a group of horny assholes like I did.

Glenn could act for himself. He could think for himself. He could speak for himself. I had the ability to do two thirds of that, but I actively chose not to. I chose to sit in the background and wait for people to tell me what to do. I chose to believe whatever was said to me regardless of what logic was behind it. As for speaking, well, my body refused to give me that option.

But the main point was this; the only reason I wasn't already having wonderful post-apocalyptic sex with Glenn was because I was too afraid to make my intentions clear with him.

So I turned around and headed straight for the RV.


	9. Chapter 9

Glenn was still there, obviously, since it had only been about thirty seconds since I'd left. I could see him through the window with his face buried in his hands.

I stepped into the RV, causing him to look up.

"Oh, Eden, you're back." He seemed grateful. "Look, about what I said, I-"

I closed the distance between us while he was talking. I wasn't in high school anymore. I wasn't with the group of kids I was before. I wasn't trying to impress anyone. There was no reason to hesitate, no reason to reconsider and no reason to hold back.

I placed my hands on either side of his face and pulled him forward. He seemed to understand what I was getting at and made no move to protest. I wasn't entirely sure what I would have done if he HAD protested, but it didn't happen. And that was all that mattered.

Kissing Glenn was electric. Whatever the chemical reaction was that was happening in my brain was completely working for me. It wasn't my first kiss, but it sure as hell felt like it was, because whatever I experienced before was nothing compared to this.

His fingers were tangled in my hair and my heartbeat was like a stampede. If this was why everyone kept hooking-up all the time, I was starting to understand their screw-survival-fuck-everybody mentality. And that was just with kissing.

Had I been a bolder person, I'd have pawed at his jeans. Unfortunately, I didn't quite hit that level of audacity yet. So, instead of slipping my hands down his body – which I'll admit, was a fantasy of mine – I pulled away, my eyelids feeling incredibly heavy.

There was a moment of silence as we caught our breath.

"That was..." He struggled for a word. "_Unexpected._ Great, but unexpected."

I forced myself to look at his face.

"To be honest," he breathed, leaning his forehead against mine. "I thought you'd hit me."

I continued looking at him.

"For what I said."

I closed my eyes.

"Hitting you wouldn't have felt as good as that."

He smiled. I did too. It was suddenly hard to remember what I was so afraid of before. Hard to remember why I kept something this great at arm's length. Hard to remember what I thought I had to gain by worrying.

"I heard a lot about you today," I whispered, trying to give my throat a break. We had parted now, and I was leaning against one counter and he was leaning against the one opposite me.

"Really?"

I laughed.

"The women had some interesting things to say. Carl did too. Even Dale."

"What'd they say?" He looked almost like he didn't want to know.

I grinned and looked off to the side.

"Lori and the others told me about how you acted when I first got here. Said that you were staring. A lot."

Glenn winced.

"Please tell me it's not all like that."

"Carl made me promise not to make you cry, because 'people on TV always cry when it comes to stuff like that.' Even shook pinkies on it."

Glenn groaned. He was covering his face with his hand now. "And Dale?"

"Dale guessed pretty quick that I missed you. Then he said that you were just as bad as I was."

Glenn sighed and seemed to start to retort, then paused. He looked like he was trying to figure something out.

"Wait, so that kiss... Was that because you heard all that stuff about me?"

Shit.

I glanced to the side.

"Yes and no."

"No, it is, isn't it? Because you didn't even want to touch me before."

"I totally wanted to touch you!" I argued, getting worked up. "I _always_ want to touch you! It took a lot of effort to _refrain _from touching you!"

He raised his eyebrows and smirked. I avoided eye contact again and shrunk back against the countertop.

"I didn't mean it like that," I lied. He let this slide.

"Why, though?"

I looked at him, confused. And I told another semi-lie. "Because I'm not a complete pervert?"

"No, no," he said, shaking his head. "Not why didn't you mean it that way, I meant why did you refrain?"

I fiddled with my fingers and didn't answer the question.

"Eden?"

"I didn't want to make you uncomfortable," I mumbled.

"No, I mean seriously."

I looked up from my hands. "I am being serious."

Glenn stared at me as though my answer didn't make sense. He also looked sort of pissed off.

"So the reason I've been treading so lightly around you is not because you don't like contact, but because you're afraid of making_ me _uncomfortable?"

Silence fell over the RV again.

"Sorry," I offered.

"I think we need to work on our communication," he sighed.

"Yeah," I laughed. "No shit."

There was a pause again. He seemed to be working himself up to something.

"Okay, I didn't think this had to be said, but here goes." He got real close to me, almost rubbing up against me but stopping just short of contact. There was a smirk on his face and his eyebrows were raised as he said, "You can touch me anytime you want."

I swallowed and tried to pretend like his words didn't make me blush. Or think dirty thoughts.

"Same goes for me," I said.

"We'll see about that," he joked, taking my hand in his. "Come on, I haven't been with you all day. Let's go walk around or something."

I followed him eagerly out of the RV. I didn't really care where we were going. It was just nice to have him there. And to know that if I ever did get the nerve to paw at his jeans, he'd be cool with it.


	10. Chapter 10

My biggest enemy was myself.

This was the sort of thing you'd read in young adult books, or watch on an after-school special. This was a theme for an episode of a Disney show. This was something that 'all teens go through' and I should know that 'I wasn't alone in going through this.'

I found it almost pathetic that it applied to me.

I remembered watching television and thinking how stupid everyone's problems were. Tammy was too self conscious to tell Timmy she loved him. John was self destructive and he was the only reason he couldn't do what he wanted to do. Jack could never love anyone until he loved himself. It all seemed so stupid, so easily fixable.

And yet I was just as bad as those television clichés.

I realized this when I was spending the next few days with Glenn. Despite my realization that I had nothing to worry about with him, I still managed think far too much.

Now, instead of worrying that touching him would make him uncomfortable, I was starting to think that I was becoming exactly what I had grown to hate ever since the walkers showed up; A horny asshole.

Sure, I'd had fantasies about Glenn before, and sure, they weren't exactly family friendly, but I at least left them for when he wasn't right in front of me. I was having full on pornographic thoughts about Glenn, and I didn't even have the decency to wait for him to leave my immediate vicinity first.

What was worse, I now actually had _permission_ to act on those fantasies.

What was _even worse;_ I couldn't bring myself to do any of it.

I was starting to feel completely two-faced and absolutely insane. The apocalypse happened too fast. If it had just waited a few months, I could have sorted out and been done with all of these shitty high school mentality problems. If it had just waited until I graduated, I could have been through with these idiotic self esteem issues. I could have slept with Glenn _multiple times._ I could have been someone he couldn't live without, instead of someone who was a constant burden on him.

"What are you worrying about?" He asked suddenly after a particularly long break in conversation. We were sitting on the grass a little ways away from camp. He was laying back on the grass looking up at me whereas I sat up with my legs crossed.

I was surprised he noticed. And a little flattered that he was paying so much attention.

"I'm having trouble deciding whether to listen to my dick or listen to my brain," I admitted, whispering in a feeble attempt to save my vocal chords. "And I'm thinking too much."

"Well... Stop thinking, for one," he said, holding up his finger at me as though it were a warning. "As for your other problem, maybe you should have told me about that when we first met."

I laughed

"Figuratively speaking."

"Well," he said, sitting up a little, leaning on his forearms. "What's your dick telling you to do?"

"Oh, I'm not sure you want to hear that."

This piqued his interest. He sat straight up now, staring straight at me.

"Oh, I'm sure I do," he retorted.

I stared at his legs. My hand was literally inches from his crotch. All it took was one swift movement and bam, I'd be living the dream. I kept glancing at the grass, and then back at his face, and then back at the grass, then his jeans, then the grass, then-

"Fuck!" I whisper-yelled, slapping my hands against my face and falling backwards onto the grass. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck _fuck!_"

Glenn seemed completely taken aback by my outburst. There was a brief moment when he didn't do anything, then I felt a warm hand on my knee. Don't think about it sliding upwards. Don't think about it sliding upwards.

"Hey," he said softly. "It's okay. I was only teasing you. We don't have to talk about your dick if you don't want to."

I laughed quietly behind my hands. I could feel him lie down beside me and his hand reached up to pry one of my hands off of my face. I peeked at him from the corner of my eye. He smiled at me, totally not upset with my strange behavior. I removed my other hand from my face.

"I owe you an apology," I said, staring up at the sky.

"What for?" he asked, uncertain of where this was going.

"For making you act so patient all the time. And being so weird about everything. There's a reason they nick-named me 'the unfuckable.'"

I winced at my own words. I'd forgotten that little tidbit. I'd forgotten a lot about everything before Glenn. He seemed to take up my entire world now.

Glenn let my words sink in before he spoke again. He sat up and I did too.

"I used to deliver pizzas," he offered.

I wasn't sure how to respond to this.

"I just thought I'd counter your bad thing with an equally bad thing," he admitted. "Did it work?"

"Hey man, I like pizza. Everyone's always happy when they see you come around. I don't think there's ever been one person who looked at their wife and said, 'Goddamn it, Martha, the fucking pizza guy is here.' Just doesn't happen."

That made Glenn laugh, and I couldn't resist joining in.

"Okay," he said. "My mom walked in on me, once."

I squinted at him.

"Walked in on you what?"

I could see him go a little red in the face.

"Having some – uh – _me_ time."

It took me a second to think it over. And then my jaw dropped.

"No!" I said, not believing anyone could live after something that embarrassing.

"Yes," he admitted, grinning at my reaction, although clearly somewhat ashamed at the memory.

I laughed, and I laughed _hard_. Sure, my throat ached and I probably shouldn't have been making any noise at all, but it didn't matter.

"You're the best," I whispered through chuckles, allowing my fingers to caress the side of his face without even thinking about it. "Seriously."

He took my hand and, like a goofy yet romantic idiot, he kissed the back of it the way they do in the movies.

"I know," he said, grinning back at me.

I wanted to tell him how cute he was being, but my throat was really starting to protest. I touched it with my free hand. Then I realized this was the perfect opportunity.

I lunged forward and pulled Glenn into a kiss. I instantly thanked my five-seconds-younger self for doing it. Glenn responded immediately, kissing back with what I could only describe as what I assumed was passion. I could care less about pawing at his jeans now, I could barely even think beyond the feeling of his lips against mine.

And it felt perfect.

I swear it could have gone on for hours if we hadn't heard someone approaching us. We parted quickly, in case it was one of the kids.

"Food's ready," Amy called from a distance. I hadn't even noticed it was dinner time. "And get a room, you two."

I grinned to myself as she walked away. We _were_ obvious. There was no doubt about it now. I turned to Glenn, fully prepared to try to mime my way into asking him if this could continue, but he seemed to get the gist just from my expression.

"Your tent or mine?"


	11. Chapter 11

We agreed on mine.

Dinner, however, stood in the way of our plans. We'd have to wait for everyone to go to bed before we could retreat to my tent, and boy, was it hell. I was thinking again, and it was terrible. What if I wasn't ready for this? What I said something weird and totally turned him off? What if _I'm_ ready for this but _he_ isn't? What if-

Glenn, who was sitting beside me for once, put his hand on my knee. It could have easily been seductive, but he chose to make it comforting. I smiled in return.

It was fascinating how days played out as weeks here. Glenn and I had met – what? A week ago? And we were already so close and I was already in the most meaningful – and arguably the only - relationship I had ever been in. By normal life standards, I'd be jumping into bed with him, but by post apocalyptic standards, I'd say our relationship was pretty damn slow.

I wonder how long it took Lori to jump into bed with Shane. I shook the thought immediately, feeling gross for even thinking it.

I tried to listen to the people talking around the fire but it was hard to get my mind off of Glenn and our upcoming activities. Dale was mentioning that the Dixon brothers – two people I had only vaguely heard of before – should be back from their hunt today. If I wasn't mentally preparing myself to live out every fantasy I had ever had about Glenn, I would have asked more about them.

"I'd keep your distance," Glenn whispered to me, noticing that I didn't know who these people were. "They're about as racist as humanly possible. And they're the biggest redneck's I've ever met."

I laughed.

"They sound like a hoot and a half."

"Oh, they are. It's a real party when they're around."

I liked this. I liked talking to him. I liked not worrying and just letting things happen.

"Who goes hunting for a week straight?" I asked, realizing they had been absent throughout my entire time here.

"Rednecks," he replied. "They bring back a lot of food, though. So I can't hate on them too much."

"Do they give you a hard time?"

Glenn shrugged. "T-Dog more than me, but they're assholes to everyone."

I felt almost glad I hadn't met them earlier. They sounded unpleasant.

"Carol's husband's kind of a dick, too."

"I haven't met him yet," I said.

"Good. Avoid it if you can."

I grinned at him.

"What?"

"You're always so protective," I whispered. "It's cute."

He scoffed.

"If by 'cute' you mean 'unbelievably sexy,' then I'd have to agree," he stated.

"Of course I do," I replied, leaning my head on his shoulder. The fire was small – as per Shane's 'embers only' policy – and it was getting increasingly colder as the sun started to set. Glenn was warm, though, and since everyone was already well aware we were 'together,' I figured he wouldn't mind so much if I leaned against him.

I hoped.

I had a mini-heart attack when I felt his arm move. I was certain he was going to shrug me off his shoulder. Instead, he slid his arm behind me and put his hand around my waist. I could see Amy and Andrea exchange glances when they noticed our position, and I could have sworn T-Dog gave Glenn a thumbs-up because I noticed Glenn groaned quietly and looked down.

I wondered if any of the horny assholes from school felt like this. I wondered if they ever got to just sit with each other and spend a moment not in a lust-filled haze. Sure, I'll admit to being quite the pervert around Glenn at times, but there was nothing better than this. Okay, kissing him was probably on par, but I digress.

"I just realized," I said suddenly, trying to be quiet so I didn't interrupt anyone else who was talking. "I'm never going to get to play Skyrim."

Glenn gave me a strange look, then he frowned.

"Damn, I forgot about it completely."

"Depressing, isn't it? Man, I'm never going to get to do my second playthrough of Mass Effect." I groaned. "Ugh, Mass Effect 3. Guess that's not happening either."

He looked down at me for a moment, not saying anything.

"You know, I wouldn't have pegged you as someone who liked games," he said, though I could tell he meant it in an approving way and not a 'you're a freak' way. I liked his tone of voice.

"Mostly RPGs," I said, looking at my hands. "It's not so strange, really. I liked being given a voice."

"Makes sense," he replied. He breathed in deeply before continuing. "Let me guess. You went for Thane?"

It didn't take me more than a second to realize what he was asking. I smiled at the memory of the romance options in the games. I'd always enjoyed those.

"Garrus," I corrected. Just remembering the romance scenes and awkward dialogue made me smile. He seemed surprised.

"Really?"

"Yep. I take it you went for Miranda?"

I don't know how it happened, but we kept going, comparing our experiences. We were only talking about a video game but it somehow felt like something more. Like we were sharing a big part of our lives. I had almost entirely forgotten about what was waiting for me once everyone had gone to bed.

"Which ending did you-"

"Ugh!" Amy groaned from across the fire, interrupting our conversation.

We both looked up and realized most people had gone to bed already. How long had we been talking?

"You guys are the saddest couple I've ever seen!"

Glenn and I exchanged amused glances.

"Don't smile about it! Seriously, have you ever listened to yourselves talk? You're like two teenage boys. Jeez. I was hoping to get to make fun of you for being all gooey and lovey dovey, but instead I get _this_?" She stood up from her seat on one of Dale's fold out chairs. "I'm going to bed. You guys suck."

She stomped off to the RV to join Andrea and Dale, who had apparently already parted. I glanced around the campfire quickly. T-Dog, a guy I'd never met before – Glenn said his name was Jim – and Shane were left. Everyone with kids had gone to bed.

Shane seemed to realize we weren't heading off anytime soon, so he stood up.

"Make sure to kick out the embers when you're done," he said. Then he left.

Jim went quietly a few minutes later.

So it was us and T-Dog, who didn't stay long either. He heaved a sigh, seemingly caught up in his own thoughts, and stood, saying goodnight as he left.

And then we were alone.

"Let's wait," I said quickly. "Make sure everyone's asleep. No point in disturbing everyone else."

Glenn agreed. And so commenced the minutes that passed like hours.

I was getting hyped up, trying not to freak out and change my mind. Glenn could tell I was on edge. I was painfully obvious with my emotions. I guess it came with not being able to speak my thoughts all that well.

When we'd felt like everyone had settled into bed, we got up to settle into ours. My heart was racing but I wasn't planning on backing out. At least, I didn't think I was going to back out. Was I?

We were outside of my tent when Glenn spoke suddenly.

"_Shit_," he growled, stopping before actually entering the tent. "I forgot to get..."

It didn't have to be said. I knew what he meant, and what forgetting them meant.

No. I didn't work myself up to this just to give up now. Not for this.

"I'll go," I said quickly. "I'll be quiet, and even if I wake Andrea and Amy up, I'll have a better excuse than you for rooting around the drawers."

He looked apologetic.

"It's okay," I insisted. "I'll be back in a minute."

We parted and he ducked into my tent. As I approached the RV I tried to remember which drawer it was stashed in. I couldn't remember for the life of me.

Figuring I'd wing it, I opened the door as slowly as I could. The damn thing creaked anyway, breaking the quiet noise of breathing coming from inside. I froze. I made sure to wait a good amount of time before moving again.

I stepped into the vehicle and headed straight for the drawers. I wasn't screwing around. I needed to get in and get out before any time with Glenn was lost. And before I talked myself out of it.

I started rooting around the drawers, growing desperate as each one turned up nothing. I heard a groan from behind me.

Amy was moving on the couch.

"Bottom left..." she said, half asleep.

I opened the drawer, and there was the illusive pack of Trojans, right beside the Tampax. I hoped to god she thought I needed the latter. I extracted what I needed carefully before closing it back up. One or two were already missing, so it wouldn't be strange that it was no longer sealed.

I closed the drawer as quietly as possible and slipped the package into my bra – just in case anyone saw me leave – then I inched my way out of the RV, closing the door softly once I was out.

I did it.

I was well on my way to having sex with Glenn. No backing out now. This was happening. I was about to walk back to my tent, grinning ear to ear at my own success, but I heard a noise coming from the bushes.

I don't know what I was thinking, but I decided to inch over to the back of the RV to investigate. There were crickets or cicadas or whatever kind of bug was making noise, but this was movement. When I got closer to the bush behind the vehicle, it rustled. Panicking at the realization that this could very well be a walker, I jumped back and flattened myself against the RV, my hands a few inches away from my body, the condom all but the last thing on my mind.

I heard the arrow before I saw it.


	12. Chapter 12

"Ah shit, Merle, it missed."

I felt it. I didn't want to look, but I felt it. I forced myself to stare down at my left hand, and there it was. Exactly what I felt.

I wasn't sure what was worse, the feeling of an arrow going straight through your palm or the sight of it. It took me a moment to register what had happened, and only a moment more to register the pain.

I did my equivalent of a scream, which was just a quiet squeaking and a rush of air. I couldn't seem to blink or close my mouth as I sunk down to my knees, pinned to the back of Dale's RV. I tried to take my hand off but the pain was so bad I could barely see, so I just stared at it hoping this was all some sort of terrible dream. I tried to wiggle my fingers. I tried to pretend like my ring and middle finger were moving with the rest, instead of sitting dead on my knuckles.

The blood, oh god, the blood. I was sobbing, completely silent in my pain.

"Goddamn it, the fuckin' beast got away."

This wasn't supposed to happen. I should have been in my tent with Glenn, sliding my hand down into his pants, not pinned to the back of an RV like a pest.

I kept trying to make noise but nothing happened. I thought about hitting the RV, maybe trying to wake up Dale or the sisters, but I was too petrified to do anything.

"Where's that fucking arrow?"

"Hell if I know."

"Go find it."

The blood was dripping down my arm. What if Glenn thought I bailed on him?

"Ah hell, I think it went into camp, Merle. Shit. They ain't gonna let this go."

"You think I give a shit?"

I kept staring at my hand. It looked foreign. Like it didn't belong on me, just hanging there against the RV.

I could hear the men who owned those voices come closer. I saw them push aside some of the tree branches and bushes. They were coming.

The younger of the two was the first to see me. He had dead animals hanging off of his belt. I assumed he was one of the Dixon brothers.

"Oh shit!" He looked back at what I guessed was his brother. "Merle! Merle!"

"What the fuck are you yellin' about?"

They were nowhere close to quiet, and some of the people from camp were starting to come out to investigate noise. I didn't know if Glenn was one of them. I could tell someone in the RV was up, because the vehicle was moving ever so slightly.

I was cold, aside from the warm blood dripping all over my palm and forearm.

Shane was out and approaching. I was fairly sure T-Dog had come out as well. I doubted Morales would have left; he'd have probably stayed in his tent with his kids and wife. I couldn't really focus on anything other than my hand. Oh god, my hand.

I was still crying quite violently, even though no one could hear me.

"You mind keeping it down?" Shane growled, coming into view, playing his role of town sheriff. "People are - Oh shit!"

_'Oh shit'_ seemed to be the general consensus. With the exception of me, of course. I was less _'oh shit_' and more '_AGHHHHHH MY FUCKING HAND_.'

"What the fuck happened?"

"What's going on?"

"Who the fuck is this? She wasn't here before, how the fuck was I supposed to know some tiny little bitch'd be walkin' around at night?"

"Watch it, Dixon."

"Could you shut up? There are kids trying to slee- oh Jesus!"

"Oh god, look at her hand! Oh god!"

"What happened?"

"Did you shoot her?"

"Why is everyone awake?"

"Dale, get over here! Look at her hand!"

"Someone get the poor girl some help!"

"Eden? Eden!"

So many voices were speaking at once; I couldn't keep up. I did recognize Glenn calling my name through the chaos. I also heard someone heave at the sight of me. There were a lot of people out now. Andrea, Amy, Dale, T-Dog and Lori had come over to investigate.

Glenn pushed through everyone to get to me. People kept talking and yelling but I could only focus on one thing at a time. He dropped to his knees in front of me.

"Oh fuck! Oh fuck fuck fuck! Eden, oh god!"

He grabbed my face and made me look at him.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I'm so fucking sorry!"

He looked completely terrified, so I guess we were on the same page again.

"Do I take it out!" He yelled out at everyone, his voice hysteric. When he didn't get a response he screamed it. "DO I TAKE THE FUCKING THING OUT!"

"I'll do it," The more remorseful of the Dixon brothers said, kneeling down beside me. Glenn made a face at him I was guessing, because he continued, "You really wanna have to pull that shit out yourself?"

Glenn looked back at me, apologetic. I was just staring out into space now, barely able to focus on what was happening.

"Okay," he forfeited. He took my other hand and kept his right hand on my face, making sure I didn't look. "Do it."

I felt an unfamiliar hand press my wrist against the back of the RV.

"I'm so sorry for this," Glenn said softly, stroking my cheek. "I'm so sorry..."

"Get ready."

In a quick motion I felt the arrow rip clean out of my hand. I lurched forward against Glenn, silently screaming, fresh tears spilling down my face. I could feel the Dixon brother let go of my wrist and it dropped to the ground. I tried to hold on and stay conscious but I couldn't.

"It's okay, it's going to be okay, it's all going to be okay," was the last thing I heard before I blacked out.


	13. Chapter 13

By the time I came to, it was daylight, and I could tell something had been done to my hand. I was in the RV, spread out on the couch. Glenn was only a few steps away, leaning against the table, looking worried. My face hurt. The tears had made my skin raw.

It took only a second to have the memories of the night before flood into my head. I shivered at the image of the arrow pinning me to the van. My hand was throbbing, so I held it near my face to take a look. It was wrapped up in fabric, little bits of blood seeping through. I tried closing my hand into a fist, but stopped as soon as I felt the pain. My middle and ring finger were the only ones that didn't twitch.

Looking at my hand was upsetting, so I dropped it gently against my body. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to move. I didn't want this to be real.

But I knew I had to.

I tried to sit up. Something crinkled in my shirt as I moved. I looked down and lifted up the fabric. Oh. Right. The illusive Trojan. Well that's embarrassing. At least no one noticed.

I wondered if Glenn would still want to have sex with me after this. Probably not.

The thought made me incredibly upset, but I could only dwell on it for a few seconds, because the guy in question realized I was awake.

"Hey," he said softly, coming over to my couch. Well, Dale's couch. He sat down beside me, on my good hand's side. "How are you feeling?"

"Shitty," I replied, looking down at my somewhat paralyzed hand. "And virgin-y."

He laughed for only a moment, then he was serious again. I could see the way he was staring at my hand the way you stare at a puppy that has to use those dog wheel chairs.

"I'm so sorry," He said, putting his hand on my thigh. "This shouldn't have even happened. I shouldn't have let you..."

I could easily play the blame game, but what was the point?

"I'm not going to sugar coat this," I said as strongly as I could without straining myself, which was still barely above a whisper. I felt him tense up. "I can't move two of my fingers. Two. Considering where the fucking arrow hit, I don't think I'll ever be able to move them again."

Glenn looked absolutely petrified. I could relate.

"It hurts, Glenn. It hurts a lot. A whole fucking lot."

He stopped looking at me and started staring down at the floor. He looked ashamed of himself.

"So I don't really care what you have to say," I said. "Because I'm not letting this change anything. That arrow could have hit me in the head, or the stomach, but it didn't. It didn't – and it won't – kill me. Which means I don't care if I have to get you drunk first, I don't care how badly my hand is throbbing, I don't care if it has to be in front of everybody, we're finishing what we started. And we're doing it tonight."

His eyes flickered back to my face.

"Eden," he started, looking apologetic. His head was cocked to the side like he pitied me.

"No, Glenn. Don't _Eden_ me."

He didn't want to. This realization was upsetting. Maybe the horny assholes I used to be with were right. Maybe I was still unfuckable.

I stared into his face. His apologetic expression hadn't changed.

"What?" I snapped, feeling caught between yelling at him to get out and bursting into tears and begging him to have sex with me. "You don't want to, now?"

He didn't say anything. And it infuriated me.

"Why?" I demanded, both insulted and completely hurt. "What did I do wrong?"

"Don't yell, Eden, you'll hurt your voice."

"Fuck if I care! Fuck everything! Well, except me, of course, since clearly _that's_ out of the picture now!"

"Eden," He repeated, putting his hand on my thigh again. "Stop."

I shriveled at his words. I swallowed and stared out the window opposite us. There was complete silence between us. I was crying and I didn't even bother to try to stop. The way he told me to stop reminded me of my parents. It reminded me of my age. This was exactly why I wished I had had time to graduate before this shit happened. I was lacking crucial growing up.

So what was the mature thing to do?

I couldn't think clearly, my head fuzzy from the night before. What was I supposed to do?

"Just tell me why," I whispered, regretting my outburst already.

"I'm scared, okay?"

My eyes darted to his face.

"Of what?"

He didn't reply.

"Of what?" I repeated.

Nothing.

"Glenn."

"Of... I don't know. Of hurting you."

"That's a bit _cocky_, don't you think?" I tried, hoping to get a laugh. He let out a tiny "Ha," but it didn't lighten the mood. I wiped the tears from my face. "...I'm sorry for yelling."

"It's okay," He replied, sighing. He took a moment to think before continuing. "Seeing you pinned to the van like that... It scared me."

"How do you think I felt?"

"I know, I know. But I mean... I wasn't even thinking yesterday. I don't even think I actually really asked you if you wanted to – to... You know..."

"I do."

He ran his hand through his hair.

"It's the fact that I didn't bother to really check first that scares me," he said. "It was like I was in high school again, desperate just to – to..."

He trailed off and leaned his elbows on his knees, hunching forward. I was surprised. Here I was, worrying I was becoming a horny asshole, when Glenn was worrying about the exact same thing. I put my hand on his back.

"I understand," I whispered. "If you don't want to... finish what we started, you don't have to."

"But I do," he said quickly, sitting up again. "I really do. But every time I think about it, it shows up in my head like one of those grainy, rapey flashbacks where I tell you _'you got a pretty_ _mouth_' and you keep saying _'not like this!_' It's terrible."

I couldn't help but smile at his imagination. My hand was hurting me but again, he somehow made nothing else matter.

"Have I ever told you how cute you are?" I whispered.

"Yeah," he replied nodding. "I preferred '_gorgeous_,' though."

I laughed. He looked me over for a moment, then lowered his eyes.

"We're going into the city tomorrow," he said.

"We?" I repeated. "What do you mean, _we?_"

"Me and a bunch of the others. Morales, T-Dog, Merle..."

I recoiled.

"Since when?"

"Since this morning. We need the supplies and I can only carry so much on my own."

I frowned.

"I take it I'm not allowed to come, too."

"You need to focus on healing up," he replied. He let the words sink in. I decided to try my luck.

"Tonight?" I asked after a short silence. "It won't be a grainy flashback, I promise. I won't utter the words '_not like this_.'"

Glenn laughed though there was something else behind his laugh that I couldn't pinpoint.

"Doesn't your hand hurt?"

"It'd hurt less if I was distracted..."

Glenn rolled his eyes.

"You know, I never thought I'd be the one being begged for sex."

"How do you feel?" I asked.

"Pretty awesome, actually."

"I'm glad."

He stood up from the couch and moved to stand in front of me. He leaned down and kissed me, cupping my face in his hands.

"Okay," He said. "You've convinced me. Tonight it is. I won't forget anything, this time."


	14. Chapter 14 END

Glenn left the RV to help the others prepare for the trek into the city. I was left alone.

I didn't really want to be alone. I couldn't stop thinking about my hand. I didn't really want to leave the RV, either, so I was stuck sitting by myself until Dale showed up at the door.

"How are you?" He asked, entering the RV. He looked concerned. Everyone seemed to look concerned around me.

I shrugged at him, and stared down at my hand.

Dale wandered over to the couch on the other side of me. He sat down. I glanced around, wondering what exactly it was that he seemed to want to say to me.

"I have some... bad news," He said. I didn't respond. He shifted, trying to figure out the right way to tell me whatever it was he wanted to tell me.

I wondered if he knew why I was out the night before. I wondered if he knew that the reason I was hit by an arrow was because I was out looking for a condom. I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Do you know what gangrene is?"

My eyes shot up to him. He met my gaze. I didn't have to nod.

"I'm not saying it's a sure thing," He said, raising his hands in the air. "But if it starts looking black..."

Silence fell over us. I stared at my hand and he stared at me. He waited for me to react, but I just didn't know what to do. He stood up.

"Just keep an eye on it," he said. "If it shows signs... There's nothing we can really do. Nothing I can do, anyway."

I nodded despite the tears that were falling down my face again. The news hit me like a brick and I had no idea what to do with myself. So my words to Glenn were wrong. It might just kill me yet.

I wandered through the rest of the day like a walker. I idly walked around. I didn't feel like talking to anyone and Glenn was preoccupied and staying in that damn RV just reminded me of what I had done to myself. Dale had told me the truth – the harsh truth – but there was part of my still doubting it.

By the time Glenn made it to my tent, his words had really sunk in.

I could very well die. I knew this as I stood waiting for him in the pitch black.

And it made me want him more.

I didn't tell him of my fate when he showed up at my tent. I didn't utter a word about it as he guided me in and kissed me while we undressed. I didn't tell him afterwards, when we were laying side by side, glowing in the heat of what we had experienced. The word "great" doesn't even begin to describe how I felt.

The morning came all too soon, and my hand hurt more than it had before. I waited to see Glenn off before I bothered to examine the wound. I wanted to spend every moment with him before I checked to see if my fate was sealed.

People were hauling things into the minivan when we approached. Glenn turned to me a few feet away from the vehicle.

"I love you so much," he said, putting his hands on my face. I only nodded in response, but I smiled as widely as I could. My eyes shut instinctively as he kissed my forehead. "I'll be back before the end of the day."

I thought about telling him then. I really did. But I realized it would be incredibly selfish of me. He had other things to think about. He didn't need to worry about me when the others were depending on him.

So I put my hand on his and whispered, "Please stay safe."

"I will."

We hugged for a brief moment, and then he turned to leave. I followed him up to the van.

"Goodbye," I said, trying not to take that as final as it could very well be.

I closed the van door for him, my fingers lingering on the metal. I remembered the first time Glenn left. I wondered if I'd get to see him come back.

I backed away so they could drive off. I watched the vehicle get further and further away. And then I turned and headed back to my tent. I ducked in and grabbed this journal.

As I'm writing this, I don't know the state of my hand. I don't know if I'm in the clear of if gangrene has set in. All I know is, it hurts. It hurts more than it did yesterday.

I'm not entirely sure what I set out to do with this journal. Maybe this entire thing was to have sex. Maybe it was to fall in love. Maybe it was to die. I don't know. What I do know is that this is the last page I have in this little book, and that after this, it's done. I cease to exist to you.

Maybe it's symbolic. Maybe it's stupid.

I believe that I love Glenn. Whether that's real love or I-just-had-sex love, I'm not sure. But there's something here. I wouldn't compare it to the love Lori has for Carl, or the love between Morales and his wife or Amy and Andrea, but there's something.

I'm going to look at my hand. I'm going to discover if I'm going to make it through this, or if I'm going to go out with a whimper instead of a bang. Maybe it's better that way, anyway. To die because of an accident and not a walker.

If you read all of this, whoever you are, I hope it entertained you. Or maybe it taught you something about how life was during this apocalypse. I hope you're reading this on a fancy couch in a warm home with your parents downstairs yelling at you to turn down the stereo. I hope the human race hasn't been wiped out. I hope Glenn is still alive.

Who knows. Maybe I'll still be alive. Maybe we'll meet.

All I know is, I have about an inch left of space left to write. This entire thing with Glenn started with fucked up, mutilated fingers grabbing at me. Who knows, maybe this whole thing will end the same way. But it'll be my fucked up fingers, and not a walker's.

This is it. This is all the space I have left.

I will now discover my fate.


End file.
